Where are you from then?
London
No, where are you really from?
This is a conversation that I've had in my head for years but, in reality, it has never happened in this way[1]. The second question is always phrased much more carefully than this, with a clear interest in my background rather than the accusation of not being from London/UK. As I have said before, I am comfortable with the answer of London and I am fortunate to be able to say that.
When I do get the more carefully phrased question, the answer is usually
"My parents are from Bangladesh"
Which they are[2].
When I was younger, I went to Bangladesh quite a few times, every 3 years or so up to age 11 and I have plenty of positive, wonderful memories which are etched into my mind and have clearly shaped me. But, since then, I have only been twice more and the last time I went was 11 years ago, via Hong Kong (as mentioned briefly). That particular trip was a strange one in many ways as I also saw a lot of people from the UK who happened to be there too (including my parents) for the first time in a while too so it was not quite the same experience - there was a dual layered reunion to it. It was, however, the first time that I travelled alone to Bangladesh and so it was also the first time I entered alone.
I have travelled to a few more places since then so I think I can take a more rounded, and comparative, view to Bangladesh now so I am looking forward to it although I cannot consider it as a normal holiday as I am not sure how much control I'll have within the week.
I didn't massively enjoy visiting Bangladesh the last time I went, as positive as seeing my family was, the country as a whole didn't leave a positive impression on me. Navigating parts of the social and actual infrastructure myself gave me a different view to that when I had my parents do much of that for me. The flight from Hong Kong to Dhaka was the first blast of Bangladesh that I had had in a while and the flight reminded me of the fact. The passengers were, as a group of passengers, a little more brusque and there was a greater sense of guards being put up by the cabin crew. This was something that I had always noticed but it was a stark difference from Japanese passengers on the previous flight to the Bengali ones on this. It was a plane with two aisles and I was sitting in a middle seat of the side/window grouping. The man next to me appeared initially to be travelling alone. Initially. Once the flight had been going for a while, I noticed that he was travelling with a woman and young girl (not the same ethnicity so I assumed wife, also based on interactions but I did not ask and confirm.) This seemed odd to me but he did not seem bothered as he still conversed with them and another man while at his seat. Which would not be too bad across the aisle, but he did so across the aisles. That isn't really possible quietly or with consideration. Luckily he did not have that much to say except to admonish his (assumed) wife when the little girl cried. When we were served food, he finished eating while others were being served and asked the crew to take it away. They explained that they had to serve everyone else first and he complained. When they went to continue serving, he decided to loudly say to them that he was going to leave the tray on the floor and put his seat into the reclined position. It struck me as more than a bit selfish. Flights can often be the soft introduction to what you'll get when you land, and so it proved.
It was also, the first time that I had left alone too and this was on a flight to Hong Kong, an 18 hour delayed flight to Hong Kong[3]. This delay meant that the airline gave me a hotel to stay the night in with other passengers - another interesting journey into a Bangladesh I hadn't seen. The Hotel Sonargaon was pleasant enough but it was not always clearly explained what was happening and I think especially tricky for those that did not understand Bengali. I befriended some Japanese men that looked a little dazed and confused and explained the procedure but it was another insight into the social infrastructure. Had I not done that, I am not sure anyone else would have noticed. The men found themselves in Bangladesh as the were driving around the world and flew back home every so often to see their family. It sounded hellish to me, but they seemed to like it.
My last memory of Bangladesh, and the one that sticks with me, is the passport control as I left. I handed over the passport, and I paraphrase as it was not in English.
Officer opens and looks at passport and asks:
When I was younger, I went to Bangladesh quite a few times, every 3 years or so up to age 11 and I have plenty of positive, wonderful memories which are etched into my mind and have clearly shaped me. But, since then, I have only been twice more and the last time I went was 11 years ago, via Hong Kong (as mentioned briefly). That particular trip was a strange one in many ways as I also saw a lot of people from the UK who happened to be there too (including my parents) for the first time in a while too so it was not quite the same experience - there was a dual layered reunion to it. It was, however, the first time that I travelled alone to Bangladesh and so it was also the first time I entered alone.
I didn't massively enjoy visiting Bangladesh the last time I went, as positive as seeing my family was, the country as a whole didn't leave a positive impression on me. Navigating parts of the social and actual infrastructure myself gave me a different view to that when I had my parents do much of that for me. The flight from Hong Kong to Dhaka was the first blast of Bangladesh that I had had in a while and the flight reminded me of the fact. The passengers were, as a group of passengers, a little more brusque and there was a greater sense of guards being put up by the cabin crew. This was something that I had always noticed but it was a stark difference from Japanese passengers on the previous flight to the Bengali ones on this. It was a plane with two aisles and I was sitting in a middle seat of the side/window grouping. The man next to me appeared initially to be travelling alone. Initially. Once the flight had been going for a while, I noticed that he was travelling with a woman and young girl (not the same ethnicity so I assumed wife, also based on interactions but I did not ask and confirm.) This seemed odd to me but he did not seem bothered as he still conversed with them and another man while at his seat. Which would not be too bad across the aisle, but he did so across the aisles. That isn't really possible quietly or with consideration. Luckily he did not have that much to say except to admonish his (assumed) wife when the little girl cried. When we were served food, he finished eating while others were being served and asked the crew to take it away. They explained that they had to serve everyone else first and he complained. When they went to continue serving, he decided to loudly say to them that he was going to leave the tray on the floor and put his seat into the reclined position. It struck me as more than a bit selfish. Flights can often be the soft introduction to what you'll get when you land, and so it proved.
It was also, the first time that I had left alone too and this was on a flight to Hong Kong, an 18 hour delayed flight to Hong Kong[3]. This delay meant that the airline gave me a hotel to stay the night in with other passengers - another interesting journey into a Bangladesh I hadn't seen. The Hotel Sonargaon was pleasant enough but it was not always clearly explained what was happening and I think especially tricky for those that did not understand Bengali. I befriended some Japanese men that looked a little dazed and confused and explained the procedure but it was another insight into the social infrastructure. Had I not done that, I am not sure anyone else would have noticed. The men found themselves in Bangladesh as the were driving around the world and flew back home every so often to see their family. It sounded hellish to me, but they seemed to like it.
My last memory of Bangladesh, and the one that sticks with me, is the passport control as I left. I handed over the passport, and I paraphrase as it was not in English.
Officer opens and looks at passport and asks:
Hello, are you married?
Is that in my passport?
No, it isn't. Are you married?
Do you need to know that for passport control?
No. Are you married?
Is there a problem?
No. Have you had a wedding?
No, I am not married.
Officer smiles, looks a bit smug, closes passport and slides the passport to me.
Maybe that was unfair, but that was how I felt.
In 2005, I was flying from Tokyo via a stop in Hong Kong and so I was, culturally, in a different place to when I've flown from London. I speak with my parents in Bengali (as mentioned in comments on immigration statistics here) and so I do still use the language relatively frequently and am fairly comfortable with it for basic conversations - I'm less comfortable with it for the conversations that I'd like to have with a bit more complexity. But even so, my fluency is not too bad and I can get by. In 2005, it was less active and although I spoke to my parents on the phone[4], it was clear that the fluency was not there in the same way. Since then, I speak Bengali more frequently and although it is still not at a level that makes me able to express myself, my lack of vocabulary means that I think I end up expressing a more friendly and child-like version of myself. Which is pretty useful actually as it is a a more likeable version.
The theme that runs through 2016 and early 2017 for me is the disconnect between myself and what I thought that the UK was. The fractured relationship that I now feel that I have with the wider UK[5] has made me wonder whether that is why I'd quite like to visit Bangladesh again - or it could be a function of wanting a little more nostalgia after the success of it in 2016. It was an active decision to go so I hope that they were positive reasons when I dive down into my subconscious - I definitely hope the trip is positive.
I'm really looking forward to seeing my extended family again and what time has done to Dhaka but as a trip, it will be very different to how I usually proceed. Maybe that will be good too - and appropriate as I arguably defined my travel process last time I came to Bangladesh and maybe my method needs an update too. Maybe lots of things need an update.
1. This Life was a TV series set in London in the 1990’s which I rather enjoyed. It also had a cracking soundtrack which helped. It was about young graduates continuing their university friendships in a shared house while starting their legal careers. One of the characters was an Asian female and there is a specific scene I remember where she is asked by an Asian man where she is from, and he then asks again about where she is really from. She gave the British answer both times, but it sticks in my mind as the first time I remember that slight disconnect of second generation immigration being represented.↩
2. Incidentally, neither was born in Bangladesh as the country did not exist at either time.↩
3. I also ended up missing a day of work due to missing the connection to Tokyo and this was compounded by oversleeping after that for a first day at one school. I was very lucky that it was a school that I already had a decent reputation at and the lesson I ended up being late for was with a particularly lovely student who I continue to be in vague contact with. Fortune does not only favour the brave.↩
4. Rather strangely, just less than a month before I went to Bangladesh, I met a Bengali family in Nikko when travelling. I tried striking up conversation with them, which was noted to be out of character by my Japanese friend, in order to practice. Does everything just end up being practice for real life?↩
5. I have felt, conversely, an even greater positive connection with London as a result of taking on an almost safe haven status for me.↩
I think it is about time.This interaction left a mark on Bangladesh for me. I received so much advice from strangers about how to live my life in the UK and Japan and the implication that I was doing it all wrong. Unfortunately, that mark stayed and although there are many instances of it happening with people that had never met me before nor had any experience of living in either the UK or Japan, that was an almost perfect encapsulation of my frustration. Having spent the previous 18 hours in the company of strangers, it ended up being the line under the trip. Underlined.
Maybe that was unfair, but that was how I felt.
In 2005, I was flying from Tokyo via a stop in Hong Kong and so I was, culturally, in a different place to when I've flown from London. I speak with my parents in Bengali (as mentioned in comments on immigration statistics here) and so I do still use the language relatively frequently and am fairly comfortable with it for basic conversations - I'm less comfortable with it for the conversations that I'd like to have with a bit more complexity. But even so, my fluency is not too bad and I can get by. In 2005, it was less active and although I spoke to my parents on the phone[4], it was clear that the fluency was not there in the same way. Since then, I speak Bengali more frequently and although it is still not at a level that makes me able to express myself, my lack of vocabulary means that I think I end up expressing a more friendly and child-like version of myself. Which is pretty useful actually as it is a a more likeable version.
The theme that runs through 2016 and early 2017 for me is the disconnect between myself and what I thought that the UK was. The fractured relationship that I now feel that I have with the wider UK[5] has made me wonder whether that is why I'd quite like to visit Bangladesh again - or it could be a function of wanting a little more nostalgia after the success of it in 2016. It was an active decision to go so I hope that they were positive reasons when I dive down into my subconscious - I definitely hope the trip is positive.
I'm really looking forward to seeing my extended family again and what time has done to Dhaka but as a trip, it will be very different to how I usually proceed. Maybe that will be good too - and appropriate as I arguably defined my travel process last time I came to Bangladesh and maybe my method needs an update too. Maybe lots of things need an update.
1. This Life was a TV series set in London in the 1990’s which I rather enjoyed. It also had a cracking soundtrack which helped. It was about young graduates continuing their university friendships in a shared house while starting their legal careers. One of the characters was an Asian female and there is a specific scene I remember where she is asked by an Asian man where she is from, and he then asks again about where she is really from. She gave the British answer both times, but it sticks in my mind as the first time I remember that slight disconnect of second generation immigration being represented.↩
2. Incidentally, neither was born in Bangladesh as the country did not exist at either time.↩
3. I also ended up missing a day of work due to missing the connection to Tokyo and this was compounded by oversleeping after that for a first day at one school. I was very lucky that it was a school that I already had a decent reputation at and the lesson I ended up being late for was with a particularly lovely student who I continue to be in vague contact with. Fortune does not only favour the brave.↩
4. Rather strangely, just less than a month before I went to Bangladesh, I met a Bengali family in Nikko when travelling. I tried striking up conversation with them, which was noted to be out of character by my Japanese friend, in order to practice. Does everything just end up being practice for real life?↩
5. I have felt, conversely, an even greater positive connection with London as a result of taking on an almost safe haven status for me.↩
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